Yamamoto Sayaka – A long and challenging road…

Sayaguitar

Welcome back everyone who still lingers here. I’m back, at least for now… I’m sure most of you know why I came back here. It’s because of the girl in the title. She’s becoming quite a guest here now… And I’m not even into NMB that much…

I recently switched into SKE a year ago… Then most recently half of that group is decided to graduate… After the last shuffle things gone from bad to worse and I couldn’t collect the strength that is needed to continue blogging. My heart is in pieces. Got shattered too many times… I need the time to heal… But help comes from a different way we expect. After the yesterday’s chaos and technical problems I couldn’t watch the third day of the Set List live… If I could then this entry would be already on this blog a day earlier than it is now… But I think it had to be like this.

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You can’t always have what you want but you might find something you need on the way…

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Let’s get into the main topic I started to write this post. It’s Saya-nee… What a stormy road was which led her to me… First I was like… damn… she is so cute! Too cute! That smile, those eyes… everything about her was just too outstanding… Then I saw her other side… The bad side… I didn’t like that… Not at all… But the nail in the coffin was the song called UZA. I still haven’t watched the PV of that crap… I refuse… Why you might ask? Let me say this: I have too many bad memories that are connected to that genre of music… Memories I don’t want to talk about…

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Now returning to our case, those feelings connected to these memories overcame me when I first heard that song… And seeing Saya-nee’s face… suddenly everything escalated rapidly towards… Hate… The feeling from the past which was caused by much pain… All fell upon this girl who still has no idea that I exist. It was unfortunate that it was her… but anyway… It happened… We can’t do anything about it now…

“It’s been a long road

 Get’n from there to here

 It’s been a long time

 But my time is finally near…” ♫

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But the case was not totally lost as… from that point I was planning to use those feelings of mine to put into my big project. I think it’s a creator’s thing… You can use everything to get inspiration from… And I was using those feelings and… Sayaka… I was thinking about making a negative (-ish) character in that story, just to be the final obstacle for the “good heroes”. It took me some time to get that character story ready and Yokoyama Yui was the one who made me realize what the story needed. It needed “Two Towers” not just one…

 Yui Sayanee

But I’m getting sideways again… Yui got a character in that story too and now I’m finding balance in there… Yui was the girl who… how should I say that… She was like TakaMina for Acchan… Forced me look past the obvious… to look deeper into one’s character… As TakaMina was keeping me from hating Acchan so was Yui keeping me from hating Saya-nee. How simple is that? And it was the last shuffle that made this possible for her of course… So it seems every bad has a little bit of good in it… At least in Japan… I rather not talk about my country though… At least not now…

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Let’s get back to Sayaka, shall we? I was always looking at the other way, totally ignoring everything about Saya-nee. Searching for things in members who did not possess anything what I was searching for… like Matsui Rena for example. Since I heard that she was a “home alone” type of person when she was younger I thought I found a connection with her there. I was eager to make this a strong bond. I wanted to be able to say that yes, I have something in common with her. Something I can hold on to. It turns out that I tried to ignore the bad sings again… Rena is not the person I could be friends with… There’s a wall between her and me. No, it is not the distance… it is that energy field around her that keeps me from reaching her… It’s like Zeruel’s AT-Field from Evangelion… It is clear now that I have nothing in common with that girl other than the ‘My Pace’ attitude and the blood type… I was knocking on the wrong door again it looks like…

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It turns out that Sayaka is closer to me than any of the girls from the groups… The irony… I had to fight my pride again, just like with Acchan… History has repeated itself again… And I thought that the struggle I had with Atsuko was special… It looks like Atsuko had so much in the background I didn’t know about that it could make a cute and lovable girl look like an ‘irritating bitch’ in the outside… All because of the stress she was given and the main cause… adolescence…

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Now we have Saya-nee on my radar screen who was so different but the situation with her was so familiar… She can be my ultimate Tomato Girl of all times… Except she is sweeter than the sweetest honey Earth’s bees can produce…

Yep, this post totally went into chaos again… No meaning whatsoever… Feel free my dear friend BG and make fun of me again… I deserve it…

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But I won’t stand from this. Saya-nee gave something back to me… a shard from my heart… and a really big one. I almost can hear your thoughts… Why am I so emotional about idols? Aren’t they like razors in a meaning of ‘one time use only’? Still… Finding someone being so similar to you is not just an ordinary thing. Sayaka’s behavior when in a group talk was the most shocking thing I experienced. I saw the videos she uploaded into G+ and in those she was always going all out, just messing around with the members, acting like a real dork. But in that group talk situation she scared me… She was acting… like I do in those situations. (I usually let people talk who like to talk and I just keep to myself unless I’m first spoken to…) I couldn’t believe what I was seeing there… All the bad things about her were just so off after that… If she is a little bit like me then I can’t hate her… I mustn’t… I too have some personalities I don’t like in myself… but I mustn’t hate myself… I mustn’t hate Sayaka either…

The song is called Jungle Gym… I’ll remember this one! This was the song that made her achieve the almost impossible. Earn my love… It’s ironic really… Recently TakaMina is losing score in my heart too… Yui on the other hand is working on taking Minami’s KamiOshi spot, and Saya-nee is slowly taking my heart away from her too… It’s 2v1… Can she hold onto her place? I don’t know…

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Thank you for reading this long and boring post. I know I made absolutely no sense at all… But it’s fine… At least I put up something, right? … Sour…

Anyway thank you and I shall see you next time! (I hope?)

Kragorin

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Comments
  1. […] already made a rant about Yamamoto Sayaka and the fact that Yui stopped me from hating her. The same thing happened to […]

  2. […] “Let’s get into the main topic I started to write this post. It’s Saya-nee… What a storm… […]

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